Nine months later...and worlds apart...I return. It seems appropriate that the time since my last post is very close to that of carrying a child to term. In many ways, that is exactly what is. It is difficult to clearly remember exactly where - and who - I was at the start of the year.
The months that have passed were spent mostly traveling from city to city with the Qi Revolution tour. This type of event provides an environment for people to transform, awaken, remember, become. On perhaps a much deeper level this is so for those of us who, week after week, assembled the rooms and facilitated the events. "Behind the table," as we say, the vortex of opportunity through trials and growth spun faster and faster, whirling us through various unravellings and transformations, pulling us closer to each other and an understanding of our Selves.
Return is impossible. That is a simple statement, for surely at our base level we all hope to be ever evolving, growing, progressing. I can remember traveling when I was younger, and always facing a reintegration period, wondering how I could return to the "same old" knowing I was changed. On a grander scale, this is happening now. Factor in the seemingly accelerated shifts that seem to yield transformation that may have occurred over months into mere days and the understanding begins to resonate. Living small, as they say, does not serve the world.
Back in my home, surrounded by loved ones and routine, I find a piece of myself that tastes the familiar and whispers, "You like it here...you don't really want to change..." Slipping a toe into those waters does not bring with it the usual easy submergence: I know too much.
The Reality is, in my humble opinion, that we are standing on the precipice of a great shift upon the earth and within humanity, in the great scales of time and space, that is moving-moving-ever moving. To jump off that train, to tread water sideways out of the stream of the Great Flow, simply will not suffice. The Higher Self that knows that everything we are doing MATTERS will not allow this, and so there is discomfort to be faced in either direction.
One evening in Santa Fe while enjoying dinner with some of the most amazing women in my life, a bat flew straight into the restaurant, swooping and soaring repeatedly over our table. Significant animal medicine, I would say. The bat symbolizes transition and rebirth, a facing of the fear of death in order to see the joy in new becomings.
A Bat totem appearing in your life
is a call for the end of a way of life and the beginning of another.
You must face your greatest fears
and get rid of the part of your life that no longer is needed.
This transition is very frightening for many:
"better the devil you know..."
But you will not grow spiritually until the old parts are gone.
Face the darkness before you and you will find the light in rebirth.
(http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/bat.htm)
The beautiful and perplexing thing about our lives is that we, as the protagonists, though perhaps carrying a loosely written script and character outline, have the choice about how we play. What I am learning is that it is not cut and dry; Several paths may be good, viable options for our lives. The hard choices come when you decide to aim for the highest one, the one that reverberates "YES!" within the very cells of your body. To change paths, or to follow a different branch of the road, usually requires leaving another one. Sometimes a good one. It can be uncomfortable, painful even, to separate attachments and entanglements. Even believing deeply in a higher purpose, bigger picture Reality in which we are never truly apart, there is pain.
There is a certain courage in making the difficult choices for the greater cause. There is humility in accepting that many around you will not understand these choices, seeing them as selfish and irresponsible. I have had the opportunity to make these types of choices before. When I decided leave a lucrative and successful career in sales to make coffee and wear an apron, many around me were fearful and critical, seeing that I was making a big mistake that would set me back in life. And yet now, to know the me that has emerged, few would say that the money and illusion of security I left was the better choice.
And so that's it...to stand in your Truth and authentic Self is to detach from worry about what the "theys" may say, to follow that call deep within, even when you know not one single detail of how your impact will manifest. In many movies and many video games, there are the extras or bots, the ones that go first, the collateral damage, the unintelligent simulations that walk into the wall over and over again. And then there are the main players, the lead roles, the ones that make up the storyline. Once activated, how could one return, then, to that sleeping body that is there just to fill the screen?
So...I don't know the how, can't work out the details, which is a prime spot to be in in order to follow the Flow. There is peace in this surrender, because I have SEEN the way, felt it with certainty, and in the quiet moments when doubt and ego seek to extinguish the flame, the light of that awakened one whispers just enough remembrance to keep peace, trust and faith illuminated.
This is your life....Live it!
